yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
