I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
