dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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