Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
