dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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