it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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