I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
