hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
