im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
