I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the day after is always just damage control
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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