I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
