Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
