i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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