so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
