When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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