I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
