So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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