i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
