Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
