U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
