It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
