yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Someone signed my nipple.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
