I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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