I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
