hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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