Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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