I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry about my life...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
