She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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