Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
