i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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