recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
