I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
