She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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