hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
