Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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