Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
