At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
FUCK WHALES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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