I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
