Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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