So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
