the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ttyl tear gas
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
