Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize