I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
