Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
