Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
