He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
