i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
