I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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