She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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