i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
