Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
