No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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