You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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